The CB Radio Lives On!

Since picking up a few antique copies of CB Radio enthusiast magazines a while back, I've been mildly interested in what happened. Like the thriving metropolis of Atlantis, what happened to the long lost CB Radios that were so useful once? Well, apparently the Cambodians still love them. As proof- there's a photo I snapped of some roadside advertising. The other day we were booking a bus from Battambang to Phnom Penh and what do you know- the (loose term used here) travel-agent whipped out his trusty CB radio and booked us in. Maybe he was affected by the hot ladies.

An Advertisement for Pheng

Sarah and I had a sad moment on Sunday as we had our last tuk-tuk drive with Pheng. Driving in Siem Reap is like robin williams- sometimes hilarious but always hairy. Pheng was great because, unlike other (car/scooter/tu-tuk) drivers we've seen and experienced first hand, he didn't beep constantly just to get others out of the way to get places faster- he did it for safety sometimes too! But seriously, he made us feel so comfortable on the roads, gave us cool water far more often than he needed to and was just an all-round nice guy.

He doesn't speak English fluently but he can more than get by with his vocabulary and listens intently. When we left him he gave us this (hand-written) card:

Email: typheng220@yahoo.com
Phone number: (855: 092815384)
My name is PHENG I'm a driver in Siem Reap Angkor Cambodia

If anyone is checking out the Angkor sites, drop him a line.

Weird Stuff #1

After a week or so in Cambodia, we've seen a lot of weird stuff. Here are the results of occasions where we had the good combination of seeing something odd and having my camera with me.

Apparently wrestlers make awesome bakers. Sarah says he is more of a superbaker... or something.

It is great to arrive in a foreign country and see your name... or close enough anyway. Welcome, LACHLA MEFAR LANE!

Happy Herb Pizza- 1 thing to note in Cambodia is that the adjective 'happy' when describing food means a certain happy herb can be added upon request.

All of the buildings in Siem Reap,some of them 4 or 5 storey resorts, are built using the same type of bamboo scaffolding. Workers comp, anyone?

Restoring Angkor

Hi, my name is Suryavarman the 2nd and I work at Angkor Temples. At Angkor we take $40 for your 3 day pass because we really need lots of money to restore these sites to the majestic beauty they were in thousands of years ago. Please consider we need to spend around $25 on corruption so that we can keep the park. So really we only ask for $15 from you for restoration purposes.

When we took over the conservation of the many temples in Angkor, some were nearly falling over. We took some sections apart block by block, labelled them and were planning to put them back together as soon as possible. Many non-profit organisations have been helping us with this project, because, as I said, we always need more money. For some towers it was useful to set up a solid base before re-placing the pieces on top. We also need the money to pay for a lot of gasoline to make electricity. Extension cords are also expensive, see!


Like most puzzles, we didn't know what to do with lots of them.


So we laid them all out on the ground, hoping that would help. We also tried starting with the corner pieces. This helped a lot.


I think we do a good job because people come from far and wide to see our temples. I hope you will come one day too. If you do, you want tuk-tuk ride? I take you all around for good price. Free water.

Arrival at Siem Reap, Cambodia

So Sarah and I have done the airport thing for 20 hours or so and arrived in Cambodia. After deciding to fork out a bit extra and go for the ultra-reliable Australian icon Qantas (over its obesity-promoting, food and drink-hustling, younger sibling Jetstar) we were of course hit by the recent Qantas strikes. However, it turned out for the better by a long shot as our Bangkok Air connecting flight from Bangkok --> Siem Reap wasn't until 8am and the 4 hour delay in Sydney shortened our freezing, sleepless and boring time in Bangkok airport by about half. If we had stayed longer, I may have been able to see BBC's report on the algae in china's olympic sailing location a 43rd time.

Anyway, as I was writing, we survived our time in what must be the world's cleanest, coldest and most boring airport, arriving in cambodia on Thursday morning. After getting our visa (this involves paying your money and watching your passport get passed down a chain of around 10 different officials (they are officials because they are wearing general-style uniforms with awesome shoulder pads) eventually being stamped and having your name called a la price is right. Except of course less Larry Emdur, more Stephen Hawking-level of speech clarity. We were driven to our awesome guest house, had a bit of a rest and wander, then headed in for the Angkor sunset. These guys know what the tourists do around here and will plan tours for you day after day if you'll let them. Just walk down the street at any time of day and a local (or as he would like to call himself 'driver/tour-guide') will offer his services for the next month- by saying, "You want tuk-tuk? No? Tomorrow? I take you around tomorrow all day?". So they know their stuff, and they knew we would want to see the sunset at a particular temple. We were expecting craploads of tourists, and we were all there together- armed and ready with our cameras.

Sunset. The view from the side: amusing.


The view ahead: still stunning.


The 2nd day we headed out with our trusty tuk-tuk driver Phaing to some of the recommended sites- Angkor Thom, Angkor Wat, etc. etc. They were even more impressive than my expectations, in particular the Bayon temple in Angkor Thom. Still lots of tourists there, but most of them stay on the strict in-and-out path that their tour guide and or group are on. We took some great opportunities for some off the beaten track shots by ourselves.
Some shots from Bayon:

Phaing has been fantastic- dropping us off, then finding us when we can't find his trusty machine amongst the others. When we do find each other, he's always there with the polite words, "Have you been finding me long?"

We're going for another trip with Phaing tomorrow, so I better get away from this machine even though I have much more to write on the effort to get up the stairs in the highest temple, the amazing restoration work, and hilarious temple-side sellers saying, "Australia? Your PM is Kevin Rudd OK you buy now?". Another day. Lachy.

It begins... before it even starts

We haven't even left yet and I'm already enjoying myself. I just received an email from our first hostel. The email was from 'Internet Software' (obviously known as 'Lee' to his friends).

It is hard reading this without either laughing, or thinking it is just another Nigerian scam.

from	internet software
to
date		Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 2:11 AM
subject		RE: Hostel Booking- arrive 9am 3rd July
mailed-by		hotmail.com

HI THERE

The room is available,

Thank you very much for your reply and confirmed that very kind of you

Yes, I will arrange my staff go to pick up you ,so when you arrived at the

airport you will see my staff hold your name at there with cold drink and

you will get other welcome drink ice lemon tea and free 20minuts massage

for well come at the hotel .

looking forward to see you on 3rd July .

Have a great day.

Best regards.
LEE.
Manager.

13 Tips for backpacking in an Asian country

As I'm about to head off on a Cambodia, Laos and Thailand sojourn, a well-travelled friend generously came up with some tips and tricks. I found them humourous and informative, so perhaps the world of the internets will too.

1) As I already told you - don't eat at a restaurant without anybody else in there. Either go to a place full of Asians (where the food will be nice) or a place full of Westerners (where it'll be easier to order). This way u don't end up in a dirty Thai hospital like me. Also, when eating at Asian place (which is definitely the way to go) - just look at what other people are eating that looks nice and say "i want the same". Easy.

2) When random people approach you on the street (it'll happen about every 5 - 10 mins), it's 98% likely they are either trying to sell you something or rip you off. This is particularly so if they start the conversation by "Hello. Welcome to Cambodia. Where are you from?". Even if they talk to you for 20 mins about nothing in particular, they will still offer you something at some stage. Best way to deal with this is what i call the "walk and smile" rule. Needs two people. Whoever is closest to the person bugging you, that person smiles and engages in very brief chit-chat. The other person says nothing, and keeps walking at the same pace.... and kinda motions to the first person to keep up (ie. arm around the shoulder). This works great - you don't look rude, just in a hurry, and normally they don't follow for too long.

3) When you approach a random person in the street, 98% of the time they are friendly and genuine and won't try to sell you something. So if you need help, don't ask the guy who is offering help - ask someone else.

4) Always ask the price first (goes for taxis, food, board, drinks, anything). Saves you getting ripped off later. (and it's very hard to barter after the service has already been provided).

5) Always ask to see the room before you pay money for it. Check the mattress (look under the sheets. If there's specks of blood, there might be bed bugs). Check the toilet flushes, lights work, window closes, etc.

6) Dogs. They are everywhere and avoid them!! I've met quite a few Asian dogs that fucking hate westerners. I don't know why.

7) Monkeys. Same deal. Don't approach them. You'll see other stupid westerners try to feed/pat them - and if you watch long enough they'll get bitten/scratched and it's really funny.

8) Water. Don't drink it (derrrr......). Don't even brush your teeth with it. Don't order drinks that come with ice. If you really paranoid, don't eat uncooked veg/salad - because it's probably been washed in dirty water. Also "fresh juices" can sometimes contain water.

9) Dairy. Don't drink it. It's often unpasteurised etc. Also Asian fridges have an uncanny ability to just stop working for hours/days at a time.

10) You'll probably be offered dirty rice wine at the strangest of times. Drink it!

11) You'll soon work out there are certain "backpacker routes" that tour operators work and most tourists follow - these include buses, hotels and restaurants all owned by the same group. Normally you'll buy a bus tix, then that bus will drop u at "recommended hotel", which will have its own tour agency, and when you buy next bus tix, it'll drop you off at next "recommended hotel". Nothing wrong with this - but it's very difficult to get off the beaten track this way. It's definitely more fun to just tackle it yourself - catch local buses, find your own accom.

12) If Asian man approaches you outside a tourist site and says it's closed because of public holiday / construction works / the weather - he is most probably lying and just wants to get you in his taxi.

13) Bartering. It's the Asian way. Offer them what you think its worth (pay no attention to their first price). This could be half what they offered, could be 5% of what they offered. They'll look offended, yell, laugh, whatever - but they'll definitely say no. Walk away. If your price had any merit they'll call you back and offer u something else. I've once done the "walk away" 4 times to get the price i wanted. If they don't call u back, just go to the next store selling the same shit and try again - probably with a slightly raised first offer.

Oh and final tip: u will get ripped off at some point. don't let it get u too pissed off (I often don't follow this rule, and get pissed off anyway).

Buying a cheese knife

A friend of mine is a bit too 20th century and doesn't have a blog as a brain-tap when he needs to get rid of some cerebral baggage. Therefore, I'm posting this email on my blog without his consent. Luckily he has just worked out email so is unlikely to know how to find this for at least a few years.

The following are unnecessary items that I've never wanted before: a cheese knife, a neck pillow and a scarf.

Let's start with the cheese knife. A cheese knife is someone's way of telling their dinner guests they are too good for plastic-wrapped cheese slices. They are seriously one of the most underemployed items in the kitchen, right up with popcorn makers, bread machines (after the first two weeks) and dessert forks. Their entire purpose is absurd and they should be moved out of shops and on to 2am television where Chef Tony and his infomercial buddies can pimp them to gullible suckers. "So Tony, this knife can both cut AND serve the cheese. Amazing."

I will get the following specialised knives before I consider buying a cheese knife: dim sim knife, crepe blade and chicken schnitzel with mushroom sauce dagger. Until then I will continue to struggle through life using a butter knife, which coincidentally is the product most identical to cheese.

Moving on. When I see a man with a neck pillow I see a man who has lost the will to live. A pillow for your neck? Seriously. I'm sure they are amazingly comfortable, making long journeys pass effortlessly; that doesn't make them ok. I'm sure you can get some damn comfortable swastika-emblazoned Nazi pillows, but I won't be buying them either. I bet Hitler had a neck pillow.

No, I'm content to roll up my jacket, lean uncomfortably against the window and wake up two hours later with a zip imprint in my face and severe neck pain. That's how bus travel is meant to be.

Scarves are the foreskin of the clothing world. Not useful, a bit funny looking with the sole purpose of keeping your head warm. Now I'm not opposed to them on any deep level, they just don't seem all that functional.

So why am I entering the scarf owning community, you ask. Let me explain. I've just finished an overseas holiday and like to think that I travel well - adapting to local cultures and traditions. If I moved to Holland within a week I would be wearing clogs and sniffing tulips to a backdrop of windmills. A month in Scotland would see me riding the Loch Ness monster while wearing a kilt and playing 'Oh wee white rose of Scotland' on the bagpipes.

So I thought why not take the same approach for my impending move to Melbourne. Bring on the trams, the footy and the moccacino-frappe-lattes (half skim, half soy). When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in Melbourne, get yourself a scarf.

Oh, but if I ever move to Bega I'm still not buying a bloody cheese knife.

(More) 1970s women with CB Radios

And to think I was under the impression they were only popular with obese truckies.
'Zine review here.

Book Review #3 Australian CB Scene

I found a few fantastic magazines while doing some Summer antiquing (no, I haven't used those two words together before). Apparently there were two hit 'zines in the 1977- Australian CB Scene and CB Action. I am now the proud owner of an edition of both of them.

Clearly heavily bankrolled by the CB radio industry, Australian CB Scene is a fantastic read. For starters, how can you make a woman lying on a Jag look more attractive? Put a Super Panther CB radio in her lap of course!

It includes the sections 'How to Look Like a Trucky', 'Non-CBing Neighbour, 'Mobile Antenna: Long or Short' and 'Who's Who in CB' (below).

"I got into CB two months ago and am completely wrapt in it," says 18-year old trainee-teacher, Fiona (handle: "Sheena"). She finds it a welcome relief from exam pressures. "I used to be into the pen-pal thing, but it is no comparison to a real-live voice!"

"I seem to spend more time with me rig than me girlfriend," writes 23-year old Canberra milkman Gordon (handle: "Phantom Nose-Picker"). He uses his rig during the day, has picked up all kinds of overseas calls on skip. "CB is the cheapest entertainment I know. Beats three bucks a seat at the flicks anytime."

I can't think of anything that could have possibly replaced this amazing technology. Why don't we all have miniaturized CB radios nowadays? They should be able to fit in wrist-watches by now... when Apple comes up with a hip new iCB I'll take 2.

Naming a child after a Web 2.0 online Florist

I was perusing one of those school fund-raising tea towels yesterday and found a particularly unusual name. There were the standard six-yr-old attempts at self-portraits drawn by 'Jack', 'Tim', and the classically alternatively spelt names 'Rylee' and 'Izee'. But 'Flowr' caught my eye- what a name. I guess the parents thought 'Flower' was too woodstock-hippy for their liking and dropped the e. Now I'm going to have to name my first child 'Flickr'. Or perhaps to make things simple if it is a girl I should name her 'Daughtr'...

EngVibe.com.au becoming more than just a vibe

Here's a shameless plug for a new site created for Engineering students, graduates and professionals alike.

"A news and resource site, EngVibe exists to provide information for those considering, or working towards a career in engineering. A key aim of EngVibe is to celebrate the successes of individuals and organisations and publicly recognise the hard work and significant achievements within the engineering field."

Website: EngVibe.com.au
Submit your own stories to: submit@engvibe.com

5 tips for full-time employment that Engineers Australia never told you

1. IT Infrastructure Assurance

You must ensure that your e-mail and IM clients are fully functional at all times. In today's high-tech world it goes without saying that an office worker would have great difficulty surviving without these tools. The reason for this, of course, is for fast notification of important events such as- to quote some recent emails I've received:

"CHICKEN IN KITCHEN. COME AND GET IT!"

or "DONUTS IN KITCHEN BE QUICK."

If you lose connection for just a few minutes, all your opportunities for free food will be gone.

2. IT Infrastructure Maximisation

Your computer can never have too much RAM. True office politics in engineering is about scheming and conniving to acquire the most screen real estate and the best computer specs. It doesn't matter if you only use Notepad and a terminal window, bigger is better. Public displays of your IT infrastructure wealth are encouraged. Perhaps photos on your personal blog is too subtle... I know, a screensaver with the text "Mine's 24 inches, how 'bout yours?". That'll do the trick.

3. Meeting Expectations

When given a task, it's of great importance that you meet the expectations of the manager who set it. By meeting expectations you confirm to your superiors that you are a capable employee. If it isn't possible to deliver on-time, explain your difficulties ahead of time with appropriate justification. However, I do stress the phrase is 'MEET' expectations, not 'EXCEED' expectations. If you complete a task earlier than expected, what does that tell your manager? It tells him/her that you are not being pushed hard enough. The next task you can expect to have a day or two cut from the deadline, which takes me back to the root of this tip, Meeting Expectations.

4. Utilising Available Materials

Generally a workplace has a certain location dedicated to providing you with the materials you require. A room, a cupboard, where you can get the right tools to organise your work. Perhaps a diary, or 5 different coloured pens and highlighters. This can also be a treasure trove of goods such as blank DVDs and batteries that can even be used for non-work purposes (or even sold-on at profit!). If you are feeling guilty about 'stealing' company property just think of it this way: If employees go too far and steal too much, the service providing free stuff will be removed altogether... so you need to steal as much as you can before that happens!

5. Internet Security

The largest impediment to good procrastination at work is the obvious limit on going to internet sites which are blatantly stupid and/or prrrn0graphic for hours on end. Successful procrastination requires walking the fine line between starting at news.com and ending with collegehumour.com. Pushing the boundaries the day after your probationary period ends is prudent investigation of your organisation's security and monitoring capabilities. It's very important that you are aware of the status of facebook on your company's block list. Just book it down on your timesheet or include it in your yearly review as Internet Security watch.

The Religion Debate: how does it affect bums?

I have read, heard and seen a lot recently about the religion debate. Today I was reminded of an oft-forgotten side of religious activism: the crazy religious bum. They don't get paid, they don't sing well, they don't have powerful connections, they don't even get anyone to listen to them... ever. But either way they put their hours in, working for The Man, harassing people.

This afternoon I was tapped on the shoulder while at a pedestrian crossing. I turned around to have a dirty middle-aged man thrust his face in mine, open his toothless mouth and say, "Are you a catholic?". I responded with a disinterested "No.", to which he quickly stepped back as if I were the one omitting the foul stench (albeit a poorly-acted action considering he has probably done the same thing a million times).

My loosely topical tie-in is this. If the atheism push reaches bums, then what will be left for them to do? If celebrities are the modern day religious idols, then will I one day be stopped by a man saying, "Are you a Brad or Jen believer?". I pray to our lord Shane Warne that it will never come to that.

Plevin07.com

So you may have heard that Kevin Rudd has launched a new election website.

I say two can play at that game. Launched today was plevin07.com.

More will be revealed shortly so stay tuned.

Chicks in politics

There is no better forum than UpShake.com for the news that there's now an all-female party in Australia. Yeah, yeah, legitimate feminist concerns about our phallocentric society aside, this party is called the What Women Want Australia Party. I shit you not. (You can check out their website here.) A party named after a shitty Mel Gibson movie. (Sure, Family First could be the Passion of the Christ party.) Anyway that reminds me, you should watch The Year of Living Dangerously if it ever comes on telly again, it's not a bad movie. And it stars Mel Gibson.

What Women Want: is the party as shit as the movie?

I'd be worried about a political party named after a feel-good romantic comedy, wouldn't you? Or should we be more concerned that this is a political party named after a vehicle for Mel Gibson, a well-known ANTI-SEMITE?! And look at their hard-line pacifist ideology on the war for liberation in Iraq - a war, which, it is well-known would bring peace and stability to the people of the Middle East! Clearly this party HATES JEWS!!! Who are they funded by, Iran? Ironic...since Iran is well-known for its misogynist government policies...

On that note, I may have added Jews to the list of religions we've offended here at UpShake.com (Christians, Muslims, Scientologists).

A bit of a heads-up for the pagans - you're next.

SlamBall

I've seen a lot of films set in the future that depict sports fanatics obsessing over bizarre futuristic sports. If I was to trust this crystal ball gazing, I would be predicting a new age where the 'best' elements of existing sports are mashed together with a sprinkle of showmanship and a dash of violence.

The future is NOW. Well 2002-3 was. Welcome to SLAMBALL. Slamball's premise is:

(from their website) "What would you get if you took the athletic components of football, basketball, hockey and gymnastics, and mixed them together with the insanity of action sports?"



I hear the protective parents in you yelling the old equation-
basketball + trampolines = (oh so much pain)*π
Fear not. With a bit of supervision, children can be just like their Slamball idols. Or maybe not (that's one of the top viewed videos on youtube, a testament to Slamball's popularity, no?).

So why did this sport not continue beyond its first 2 years of competition? I can't believe it was over before I knew about it. Perhaps Mason Gordon, creator and player of Slamball, couldn't find enough players to fill the teams as each player requires a few rare superhuman attributes:

"You have to be tough as aluminum siding to play this game," says Gordon, "and your heart has to be bigger than your entire chest. You have to possess boundless belief in yourself and your ability. If you don't have that, you can't come close to playing SlamBall at this level."

Man Vs Beast

Evolution-tards

Nerdy Standups

Those who know Plevs' recent attempts in the world of stand-up comedy already have some experience with nerd-comedy.

We are a lucky country, it's been said, and it's true. We've had a pretty peaceful past compared to most countries. But it's funny what people will say. "Yew oughta support the Americans. If it weren't for them we'd all be eating sushi." (shrug) That would in actual fact be awesome. So if the Japanese had rolled into Darwin in 1942, they would have brought us some sushi? What do they say in Turkey these days? "You must support the valiant defenders of Gallipoli! If it weren't for them you'd all be eating Chiko rolls." ~Plevs' raw comedy set 2007.

However, I think this guy defeats even Plevs on all counts. As the self-proclaimed "world's first and only stand-up economist*", Yoram Bauman has tried the world of comedy after many years of study left him the brains, but unfortunately also the body, of Stephen Hawking.

Anyway, check out his take on the core principles of Economics- video and transcript.
This one is amusing because of the very narrow group of people that will get it, but that's what we like about our nerdy comedians. They seem certain that everyone will understand their humour as it is so obvious to them in the first place. If you don't quite get any of it after watching the video, I recommend reading the transcript. Maybe it isn't as much of an instant hit as Generic Wheelchair Guy making jokes about being disabled, or Token Black Guy making jokes about racial sterotypes, or...you know where this goes... but after dissecting his points you just might find it hilarious. Or if not, just laugh at this bit from his site:

"My father says that the real joke is my abandoning nine years of higher education to pursue a career in stand-up comedy. Please help me prove him wrong by hiring me to perform at your holiday parties &etc. "

Here's him again doing something less economicsy about bumper stickers. You can also check out the Freakonomics post from a while back.